Financially Lost to Financially Fit: Healing Your Relationship With Money

I often meet people who feel ashamed, overwhelmed, or even hopeless about their money. They tell me things like, “I’m just bad with money,” or “I’ll never get ahead.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and more importantly, you’re not broken.

Our relationship with money is like any other relationship. It’s shaped by our upbringing, our experiences, and even our fears. And just like relationships with people, it can become strained, confusing, or downright toxic. But here’s the good news: relationships can be healed.

Step 1: Shift From Shame to Curiosity

When we feel lost, shame keeps us stuck. It whispers that we should hide our mistakes or pretend everything’s fine. But shame is not a financial strategy—it’s a trap.

Instead, I encourage curiosity. Ask yourself:

• What patterns keep showing up in how I earn, spend, or save?

• What stories about money did I inherit from family or culture?

• When do I feel most stressed about money—and when do I feel most confident?

Curiosity opens the door to understanding, and understanding is the foundation of change.

Step 2: Build Safety With Small Wins

If your money feels like a constant source of anxiety, the first step isn’t creating a perfect budget or a five-year investment plan. It’s building safety.

For some of my clients, that looks like setting aside even $10 a week in a “peace of mind” account. For others, it’s finally opening the bills they’ve been avoiding and making a plan to address them. Small, consistent actions show your nervous system that you are capable of taking control.

Step 3: Redefine What “Financial Fitness” Means

Fitness doesn’t mean perfection. It means strength, resilience, and balance. Financial fitness works the same way. It’s not about being the wealthiest person in the room—it’s about being able to handle life’s ups and downs without constant panic.

That might mean:

• Having a realistic plan for debt repayment.

• Learning how to save without feeling deprived.

• Spending in ways that align with your values, not your fears.

Step 4: Practice Self-Compassion

Healing your relationship with money takes time. You will make mistakes along the way—everyone does, even financial mentors like me. What matters is how you respond to those mistakes. Do you beat yourself up and give up, or do you treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend?

When you can approach your finances with kindness instead of criticism, progress comes faster—and it sticks.

I mentor people one-on-one through this journey, helping them go from financially lost to financially fit. The transformation isn’t just about numbers on a spreadsheet; it’s about confidence, peace of mind, and freedom.

If you’re ready to change your relationship with money, know this: you don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to get it “perfect.” You just need to take the first step.